


and then you see what's most important

by QueenOfSkaro



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Happy Ending, Incest, M/M, Ri-Cest, after battle injuries, emotional Nori, extreme feelings of guilt, freaked-out Nori, self-hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-13 01:37:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2132190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfSkaro/pseuds/QueenOfSkaro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What was it again the little one wanted from him? Calm down, right? He was as calm as he could get, he knew, he wasn't freaking out anymore but that didn't mean he was as quick in mind as he normally was, but really, what did it matter, with Dori being on his deathbed and he couldn't even tell him, wasn't allowed in so he couldn't say how sorry he was, sorry for everything and please forgive me, just stay alive, I'll be good if you stay, I'll do what you want if you stay, please just don't leave me, I can't, please stay with me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and then you see what's most important

**Author's Note:**

> A fill to a prompt on HKM:
> 
> http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/11476.html?thread=23875796#t23875796
> 
> Dori almost dies during BOFA, and Nori freaks out, with some interesting results...
> 
>  
> 
> I'm going to pretend that incest isn't a big shocker in dwarven society, because I don't want to write the inner fight they would have to go through if it was taboo. Now you know and don't have to hate me for it. Have fun.

He didn't know how long he paced outside the makeshift tent, biting his nails down until he drew blood, but what did it matter, anyway? He was still black from orcblood, the taste in his mouth was disgusting and he felt like he could never stand still again, never come down again, never forgive himself and what if he would never see him again? He had to choke on the sob that now sat wedged in his throat, bile just a short space away too and he felt like drowning, drowning on dry land, but in blood and bowels and he couldn't breathe, couldn't breathe, what if he -

The sob came free, but he bit on his fist to stop any further sound from emerging, because it wouldn't do, wouldn't matter, it was all his fault and he didn't have the right and he would die and that just because of him. Somewhere in the distance he heard his name being called, but nothing mattered, nothing at all, except the one dwarf in the big tent, one under a dozen and he didn't now if he was even still alive, but he wasn't allowed in, would just be in the way an they couldn't have that, not when it could decide life or death and he still couldn't breath, he just made little choking sounds around his fist, tears shooting into his eyes and then he threw up, tried to turn away from the path and the people, but he didn't know if he succeeded, because there were stars before his eyes and he threw up again.

Hands in his hair made sure he didn't threw up on himself and he wanted to laugh, because it wouldn't be the first time and he was already filthy, what did it matter, nothing did matter and so he really laughed a little, hoarse and cracked and choking, because he was spitting bile again and then there was nothing more but dry heaving and tears in his eyes and this giant panic attack that was just there, that he couldn't defend himself from and he gave a choking sob again, it would be his fault, his fault alone and he gasped, trying to breath and not being able to and his chest felt like it was hit with an orc club again and again and it didn't stop and -

He got hit on his cheek - bitch-slapped, and he couldn't stop the hysterical giggles at that thought - and he didn't even recognized that he needed air to giggle, that his chest didn't hurt as much anymore, but he still didn't register anything else, just hysterical laughter and a loop in his head of _my fault useless my fault useless my fault_ and then he got slapped again, harder this time and it left him reeling, flailing lightly with his arms until there was another being holding him up and he didn't felt like falling anymore.

"Nori, you've got to calm down. Please, can you do that for me? You need to get checked up too and I can't lift you up to physically drag you there. So please, please, I beg you, calm down and come with me!"  
Ori. That was his little brother in front of him, talking to him, precious little Ori, the only good thing in his life that he didn't ruin for good, Dori always said and he was so right, but it wasn't Noris doing, that was just because Ori was so strong and smart and deserved so much more than a fuck-up as a brother that just killed his care-taker. _my fault my fault my fault_

He tried to control himself, tried to stay with Ori and undestand what the younger one said, but it was slow going. His mind always drifted back to the tent he stood beside of, to the dwarf in there probably bled out already, but he could see that Ori had one arm in a sling - his left, so it wasn't a disaster, he could still write - and lots of cuts and bruises on what little skin he could see, but he wasn't pale and wasn't feverish, so he had to be mostly okay and that was a relief Nori didn't even realized he needed. 

What was it again the little one wanted from him? Calm down, right? He was as calm as he could get, he knew, he wasn't freaking out anymore but that didn't mean he was as quick in mind as he normally was, but really, what did it matter, with Dori being on his deathbed and he couldn't even tell him, wasn't allowed in so he couldn't say how sorry he was, sorry for everything and please forgive me, just stay alive, I'll be good if you stay, I'll do what you want if you stay, please just don't leave me, I can't, please stay with me.  
"Nori!", the little one again, this time more aggressive. He didn't remember what else his brother said before, so he just made an effort of keeping calm again.

"Give me your hand, I'm getting you to a healer, alright?"   
And it shouldn't be this way around, he was the older, he should take care of him, but he couldn't, never could, always greedily taking every care his brother dished out but never giving anything in return and how could he do it again, could fuck up again, he couldn't _my fault my fault my fault_ but he took the outstretched hand, trying to be at least a little helpful if he couldn't be of use.

He brought him away from the tent their brother was in and he tried to resist, tried to stay and be there when they came out to tell them he died, but Ori was a strong little thing and just pulled him through the mass of dwarves to another makeshift tent and after getting in Nori could see Oin in there, tending to Bofur, who looked pale and feverish at once and whose forearm looked as if it was just sewn back on and the healer looked grave and muttered to himself and clapped Bombur on a massive shoulder, just resulting in the other crying even more. Bofur would die too. Dori and Bofur. He looked over the rest of the tent, seeing Gloin sleeping - or unconscious or dead but please just let him be asleep - and Balin looking haggard and old sitting beside the cot where Dwalin lay, this one not feverish but oh so pale, bled-out pale and he had a giant gauze over his chest, already seeping red again and right beside him was Bifur, giant headwound on his forehead and looking wrong, just plain wrong and Nori had to gasp as he saw that there was no axe where it should, just red gauze that needed to get changed soon, because it just couldn't hold anymore blood. On the far side of the tent were another three cots and he saw a former blond head, hair now soaked through until it looked almost brown, a wide gauze around his abdomen and over his left eye. Next to him Kili, an elf still working on him, missing a leg and his shoulder wrapped up. Last was Thorin, black hair fanned out over his cot, breath shallow and uneven and ribcage dented.

"They'll get Dori in here, too, the moment he can be carried over.", told Ori him, voice held low, but he didn't really believe in that. Dori was dead and if he wasn't he was as good as. He had seen his guts after the cleaver left his body, a blade destined for Nori and what wouldn't he do to just take it, recognize what Dori planned fast enough to push him away and die an honourable death. Instead he was a sobbing and vomiting mess that needed his little brother to take care of him.

Oin saw them and came bustling over in a second. He didn't say anything, because he knew he was yelling when he tried most of the time and with so many injured you just didn't do that. Instead he just grabbed Noris shoulders and sat him down on a little stool before he started to poke around in the red mass of hair. The thief couldn't choke the gasps down, he was exhausted and didn't have any filter for what he was feeling and it hurt, it hurt really bad and he could hear the healer clicking his tongue.  
"Headwound, laddie. Should have come to get checked the second the battle was over, son.", Oin muttered, trying his hardest to keep his voice down. "Ori, be a dear and get another cot in here. Your brother isn't allowed to stand up the next few days."

Maybe that should have made him worry, but his focus wasn't in this tent anymore, was a five minute walk away lying on a cot and fighting for his life, if he hadn't already lost.   
He could see him before his eyes, beautiful Dori, even while covered in orcblood and filth still the most breathtaking sight. A fire in his mithril-eyes, death written on his features and a blinded determination - as he knocked a goblin out with his bolas, ran another through with his sword and then pushed Nori aside, running directly into the cleaver that almost cut him in half. And Nori couldn't do anything, could only kill the responsible orc with a wail before falling to his knees beside his brother, because it didn't matter, there were just too many orcs and he at least needed to try to save his brother, the most important dwarf in his life, because even while he loved Ori to death, it was Dori that was always there for him, always welcomed him back into their lifes no matter how much he fucked up this time and so he took him into his arms and carried him to the camp, not looking left or right, because nothing else mattered anymore.

 

It was dark as he woke up, the camp still buzzing lowly but everyone in the tent with him asleep, Ori right beside his cot on the little stool Nori last remembered sitting on, sleeping too. He felt hazy, but still sat up slowly, because he couldn't just lay there and wait until he was healed, he just couldn't, he needed to see Dori, maybe he was allowed to sit beside him now. 

Around his head was now a gauze too, but he didn't care all that much, he just tried to be as quiet as possible as he sneaked out. He needed a good ten minutes until he recognized the right tent and he carefully crept in. There wasn't as much commotion in it as the last time he looked in, so he didn't bother asking anyone if he was allowed to stay. They could throw him out if they wanted, but until then he sat down next to his brother.

Dori was pale, but didn't have a fever and that was good, Nori hoped. Fever meant most of the times infection, so he would be glad for small things. His fingers trembled as he carefully searched his pulse-point, needing to feel it even though he saw the shallow breathing himself. The heart was beating, slowly but surely and Nori allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief. He wasn't dead yet. His brother was strong, the strongest dwarf he knew, even after all his journeys and maybe he could pull through. He wouldn't hope yet, because hope just led to disappointment, but he could try to be a little more optimistic. 

Careful, oh so careful with everything he was doing, he tucked the blanket around his brother and stroked just the tips of his fingers through his hair, not daring to really touch him, because he already fucked up enough, he didn't need to hurt him further now, but he couldn't bring himself to go away either, so he just laid his head down right beside his brothers, listened to his shallow breathing and fell back asleep.

 

"Oin said you're not allowed to stand up. I'm not inclined to believe you flew here, so I'm taking you back now. You need to take care of yourself, you know.", he woke to the annoyed voice of his little brother.   
"If I'm not allowed to stand up how am I going to get back?", Nori asked, tone petulant and mouth in a pout, because he didn't want to go, he just needed to blink his eyes open and could see his brothers beautiful mithril colored hair and he just wanted to see Ori try and get him away from here. He heard an annoyed huff from above him.

"You need to lie down and this position of yours can't be comfortable!", it wasn't, but he didn't need to say that. "And you need to eat. And take your herbs. And that, together with your cot is with the rest of the company." Fuck the company.What did he want with the company if everything important lay in this tent? Aside from Ori, of course, but the lad was alright and on his feet and he could visit them here, too.

Beside them a dwarf got carried out, maybe to another tent with the rest of his division, maybe he was dead, Nori didn't care all that much. He heard another huff and then the little one talked to a healer and was gone. He didn't know how long, as he drifted off again, but sometime he must have come back, because as he woke up he was lying in a cot again, right beside Dori and that he could be happy with. Ori sat between both cots, his journal on his knees and a broken quill in his uninjured hand, trying to write about the battle most likely. He looked up, saw him awake and helped him sit up so he could eat a bite. 

"Oin doesn't like it, you know. You're going to get an ear-full the moment we can transport Dori and you both are in the right tent. He doesn't trust the other healers to do their best and help you two.", Ori informed him with a grin and he had to flinch a bit, because getting a talking-to from Oin was almost as bad as one from Dori. He lay down again after taking his herbs and quietly looked at Ori.  
"Thank you.", he uttered then, a part of him hoping it was too low to be heard, because he hated to get sentimental, he must have gotten knocked down quite hard to be so touchy-feely since the battle. 

A little smile could be seen on the young ones lips, his eyes flickering up a second before looking down again.  
"Don't thank me yet. I'm writing it down right now so Dori can see that you care too.", he grinned impishly and the middle brother snorted, a little surprised but strangely proud.  
And he did care, cared so much nothing but Dori could hold his thoughts and while his chest still felt like it was in a deathgrip he could see his brother breathing and knew that he just had to reach over to feel his heartbeat. Maybe he really would pull through. Maybe Mahal really sent him back to them.

 

It was a long week until Nori was officially allowed to leave his cot again - not that it mattered all that much to him. Most of his days he just stared at his brother, willed him back to life - and it should work, Dori always said he was stubborn as a mule - but he still slept on. The healers were still pleased with the healing process and told him that it was just the way his body coped, he should wake whenever he was ready, but that didn't stop the deep yearning he felt.

He lived whole years without Dori, being on the run or just wanting to see the South, there were a handful of times he didn't come back home until up to seven years later. What was a week, now? But Nori just wanted his brother back, wanted to get yelled at and ask for forgiveness and do whatever it was his brother asked of him, just to see him smile and maybe he would even get him to smile in his direction, instead of Oris.

The thief tried to be there for Ori, too, but he was sure he wasn't really successfull. He just didn't know how to do that, to take care of someone, so he just tried to make it easier for him. He ate regularly, took his herbs and made sure just to get out of his cot when he really couldn't stand it any longer, just so his little brother wouldn't worry about him. 

There was a groan beside him and he sat up fast enough to give him whiplash - at least fast enough to make his wound thrum harshly - and he exitedly leaned over Dori, whose eyes slowly fluttered open and he could have cried as he looked into his beautiful eyes again, because even if he tried to be optimistic, he couldn't really believe that all was going to be well again. He was afraid, even as he tried to hide it from his little brother - the little one had seen enough on the first day, wouldn't need any more and Nori would try to take care of at least that. 

"Dori.", he whispered, afraid again, always afraid, but he had to try to be strong, because Dori was injured and couldn't right now. A little croaking sound and Nori was off, getting him a cup of water and helping him sit up, always careful of the still healing wound, trying not to deal his brother any more pain than he already had. He held the cup to the others lips, perfect bow lips even now, chapped and dry, but he would heal, surely he would heal now and the beautiful eyes looked at him while he drank a few sips. He laid his brother down again.

"Nori.", came the rough whisper back, a hand trying to stretch in his direction and he grabbed it, pressing it against his lips, always greedy for whatever care his brother could give him. He choked down a sob.  
"I'm sorry. Please, just get better again, I'm so sorry." His voice was choked off, too, but it didn't matter, because Dori was awake again. He had a dozen little speeches to make it up to his brother, a dozen exclamations of love, just on the tip of his tongue, already planned out and recited in his head often enough to know them by word, but nothing seemed enough now, nowhere near enough so he just did what he wanted to do since he saw his brother fall.

Confusion was evident on the olders face, trying to place the phrase, because Nori almost never apologized for anything, but the redhead was sure his brother would remember soon enough and he wouldn't need to remind him that he almost killed him, that would come without help and he dreaded the moment, because even after all that he did in his life, after all the grief he dealt his brother, that was an entire new level.  
"Oh, Nori.", his brother now said, voice minimal surer and the hand in his cupped his cheek and he couldn't supress it anymore, otherwise he would choke on it and he sobbed, tried to keep himself quiet but failing miserably.

"Sorry, so sorry, it's all my fault, I'm sorry. Please get better, I'll do everything you want, please just get better.", he whispered feverishly, repeating himself and voicing the loop that went on in his head, a whole week now and at last he could beg for forgiveness.  
A week ago he thought he was tough, was strong and wily, smart and cunning, but now he knew better. He never lost anything important before, never saw a brother fall and die, never had to pray to Mahal so hard that he started to mutter his prayers aloud, because please, hear me out and help him and make him alive again and I'll be good, I promise.

Not daring to look at his brother he pressed his eyes shut, because surely he remembered now, his tone of voice indicated such, not wanting to see if he was forgiven, because he probably wasn't, but he would beg until he was and stay on his knees beside his brother until he was healthy again.   
"Look at me.", his brother asked, but he couldn't, just couldn't, because he couldn't interpret the tone now, just didn't know what he had to expect and he didn't want to see that his brother condemned him, _my fault my fault my fault_

The hand on his cheek grew stronger, tilting his head up and out of reflex he opened his eyes, locking his boring green to the most beautiful mithril he had ever seen and he wanted to do nothing more but to crawl into his brothers arms, be kept safe and cared for and try to make it up to him for the rest of his life.  
"I will always do that again, nadad, because I love you and I will not see you die." Even with his voice still rough from unuse he sounded as sure as ever, looking so earnest that Nori just wanted to cry again, cry and crawl nearer and never again share his brother with anyone, because Ori was old enough, surely, and he was smart, he would be alright.

It was years since Dori told him that he loved him the last time, entire decades probably, but it was just as long since he deserved that phrase, so he never really cared, but now, now he wanted more, wanted to hear it everyday and be worthy and please, don't let anything like this ever happen again.  
"Muhudel.", he whispered, because he knew it was Mahal, hoped it was somewhat his own doing and he needed to thank him, needed to let him know he knew and would hold his side of the deal too, before he got angry and took his blessing back. "Muhudel."

A little chuckle came forth from a hoarse throat and the hand on his cheek wandered up and stroked through his hair, careful with the gauze and sending it a withering glare, as if it was the things fault for Nori being injured. Then those eyes, molten mithril and silver and diamonds and moonlight all in one locked with his own, plain green, he knew, nothing compared to Doris, but that wasn't new.   
"Muhudith.", his brother called him, still looking into his eyes and making it clear that he didn't mean the situation but Nori himself and there was a bubble of whatever-it-was-please-more-of-it-because-it-felt-good-really-good in his chest that threatened to burst forward and he couldn't identify his feeling, couldn't even begin to try to understand them, he just knew that however near he ever was to Dori wasn't near enough, would never be near enough and if he could hold onto that look in his eyes forever he would and without thinking about it he bent forward and leant his forehead against his brothers, eyes still locked and there were definitly stars in them, he could count them if he had time enough.

"Muhudith.", his brother whispered again, hand in his hair grabbing him firmer, making him feel better and the other hand came up too, stroking his cheek, thumb grazing his lips and he asked a silent question, asked if it was alright or if Nori wouldn't like it, because until now Nori never liked anything that Dori wanted and there was a quiet fear in molten silver eyes that the redhead would bolt, but Nori didn't even think about it, just knew that he needed to be nearer, needed to make sure everything was alright and needed to feel his brothers warmth, so he closed the little gap between them and felt chapped, dry lips on his bitten ones and couldn't stop the small whimper.

Neither closed their eyes, keeping them locked as they kissed each other tenderly, not caring that they weren't alone, because it didn't matter - most of the dwarves in the tent with them were asleep or in too much pain to care for them anyway - it just mattered that they had each other, drank each other in and again Nori had the feeling to drown, drown on dry land, but this time it was different, oh so entirely different. There was a flutter in his tummy, a shudder going down from his neck and a prickling in his fingertips that touched his brother carefully. They broke apart, softly gasping, but they just drew a few short breaths before kissing again.  
"Love you too, Dori, love you too. Don't ever leave me again, beg you, don't leave. Need you, love you.", the redhead murmured, letting the silver-haired know what he felt, for the first time in practically forever, stripped from all defenses he ever constructed, teared down from a week of pure fear and a loop of self-hate in his mind and now his brother was awake again, told him he loved him and he never wanted to let him go again.

They kissed and clawed at each other, the younger one careful of the others injuries, but both equally desperate. They only broke apart again as there was the clicking of a tongue.  
"I understand why you didn't send for me, but really, was that mental image necessary?" Ori huffed annoyed, before he broke into a giant smile. "It's good to see you awake again, Dori. We started to worry a little." He sent an amused glance to the middle brother, who still knelt beside the cot, looking flustered, so he took the stool himself and sat down with his family.

"And it's good to see you healthy and whole. I am ashamed to say I didn't ask about you yet.", Dori said, looking his part and giving his swollen lip a quick bite, but the youngest just waved the concern away.  
"I saw you were busy. But don't think I'm going to kiss you now too.", he grinned, jabbing his elbow into Noris ribs, who sent him an unimpressed glare, but couldn't ban the bright smile from his face for long. 

It was good to see so much life in his brother again, both if he thought about it, because Nori just wasn't the same the last week, almost like he was already in mourning and could just remind himself that Dori was still alive by looking at him every waking second, just barely remembering to eat and take care of himself. But now that everything was alright again he could smile at the last few days and say with certainty that Nori cared, something they sometimes doubted a little with his hard exterior, but now he had proof, a good dozen pages in his journal with every little freakout Nori had the last week.  
"By the way, you really should read what I wrote the moment you're fit enough." And maybe it was a little evil, but he learned from the best, didn't he?

**Author's Note:**

> nadad - brother  
> muhudel - blessing of all blessings  
> muhudith - blessing that is young


End file.
